So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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