Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize