i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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