I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
