Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
