it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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