her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
