We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
