well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
