You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
