Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize