you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
