That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
