I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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