mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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