One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
