he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize