ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
