I wish I only lived at night.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
