I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
