Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
4 words: hood of his car
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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