just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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