The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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