Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
