So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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