I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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