I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
