I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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