you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
