sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
