Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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