I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize