i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
