I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize