Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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