Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
