I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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