its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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