I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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