I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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