I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
