can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
