But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize