you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ttyl tear gas
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
