Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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