We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
