I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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