you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize