She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
