why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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