she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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