You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
