I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
