im drinking this country out of the recession.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
