happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
