you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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