I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
