the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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