Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
