I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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