If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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