im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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