it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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