Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
