That reminds me...we need to get swords
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
