Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
