He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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