Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
