he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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