Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
